You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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