Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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