You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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