ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
