i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
