Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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