halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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