I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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