We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I met the friendliest cop last night
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
