Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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