so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
