Do you still have your period?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
