yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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