he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
