Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
