You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
