He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
