Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
