I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
