Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
