Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
