i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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