Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
