Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
