the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
