sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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