last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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