btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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