So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
