I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
love makes seman taste better
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
