We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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