Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
