who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
i believe in u and ur pee
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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