I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
