People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
