he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
