I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Everclear isn't food dammit
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
