8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
3pm strippers are depressing
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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