I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
