my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
