remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
