I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
