i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
