My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
