we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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