"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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