Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
