Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize
