I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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