Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
