My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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