you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
