I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Randomize
